In My Neighborhood at Christmas...kinda

Well as you may have guessed I do not live in the sprawling suburbs of Chicago. It’s just a little ole community here in Pace Florida. Never heard of it? How about the township next door, Pea Ridge? Now you have to wonder if a fellow stood at a hill and relieved himself while a surveyor was looking around thinking what "can I call this place?". I supposed you get my drift…this is a small town.

I like to walk the neighborhood in the mornings with my little Papillion (that’s a pedigree dog with papers for all you country folks) for my exercise and because my carpets stain easily. I believe she is the only dog in the neighborhood that is not part pit bull. I have only seen a few Christmas lights this year but I think that’s because it runs up the gas tab on the generators. There are a few yard decorations out and much to my amazement they are rather festive. I especially like Santa’s Reindeer frolicking across the lawn with a hunter and his Browning 7MM locked and loaded close behind. To simulate a festive light look you should see those tracer lights flickering all the way to Rudolph’s heart. Brings a tear to my eye and a growl to my belly.

Of course as you round the first bend you are awestruck by ole Saint Nick himself sliding off the roof of a home. A jolly ole elf with a snow white beard and nearly as round as he is tall all dressed in red with a blue southern cross with white stars across the back reading “God Bless Robert E Lee”. Below him he has dropped his gifts from him gift bag and you can still read the labels... Remington, Smith and Wesson, Ruger and Coleman. Now you haven’t lived until you have seen a camouflaged 1987 Ford F150 4X4 with a 12 inch lift kit all decked out in red white and blue LED Christmas lights with a life like replica of Rudolph strapped to the hood, why even the red nose glows. Through the window of that mobile home I can see a beautiful 4 foot Christmas tree, ok looks more like a white pine but hey it’s the thought that counts. It’s all decked out with Christmas balls, small Jack Daniels bottles and 12 gauge shotgun shell garland all around it. There is a beautiful red and green sign that looks like piled snow rolling down it that reads “If you’re found here tonight you will be found here in the morning”.

Talk about purty, you aint lived till you seen a singlewide trailer with lighted wheels that look like they are turning and the whole trailer all outlined in lights. I bet the mortgage company shows up every few days to see if they are moving. Back the pickup truck up to the hitch and I bet they make them pay three months in advance for lot rent.
Now here is where I draw the line, there is no way you can strap a set of antlers on a pit bull and convince me he is a reindeer. Eight pit bulls pulling a 72 Chevy truck bed trailer does not a slay make. And you can’t convince me that a pot bellied old man in a red faded suit with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, a six pack of cold bud under his arm, firing a Remington 12 gauge pump shotgun yelling Merry Christmas is a replica of a Norman Rockwell painting but it does get interesting when a squirrel runs out in front of them.

Ok… so maybe I exaggerated a little bit …alright a lot but... that’s funny right thar I don’t care who you are. Have a great day.