Cell Phones..I'm Just Sayin....

Cell Phones..I’m Just Sayin…

Today I am an enquiring mind. I want to know why we don’t have more options with our cell phone technology. There are buttons on the side, all over the inside cover, a camera on the outside and even a keyboard hidden away. So… why don’t we have a technology that allows us to click on recession mode. Now on this setting a new screen pops up. “Do you want to screen your debtors now?” it asks. Why yes I would and now I have a new menu. “Please chose an excuse on the following screens” it would say. Ah yes which one did I use last month oh yeah now I remember. I push number 12 and the sample screen comes to life..”Im sorry but I am not available.. sniff..sniff..right now because I have a highly contagious strain of the celluswine flu. This strain..cough cough is highly contagious and can be transferred through cellular tower transmissions. Have a nice day.” Nope used that one in July, how about number 3..”Im surry bud I dot a bat told, doon try to leebe your number tause im too sick to tall ou back.” Well that one didn’t work last month on Gulf Power and probably wont work this month on maw bell. Hmmm.. there it is… the perfect excuse…number 39..”Shhhhh…I’m in a bank hold up..I can’t talk right now…what?? Me?? NO PLEASE NOT ME…click.” Yeah that one was good for three weeks, the Visa people were scared to call back for two months.

Now there is another function I would like to see added to the cell phones. Shock and talk, yeah that’s right I want a little electrode on the ear piece of that phone that senses when you are in a car. The little timer goes on when you first start using it. You have two minutes to say what you need to and than… ZAPPP. I guarantee you it will be more fun riding down the rode watching a moron deep in conversation with his or her smoochums and suddently they rip the phone from their ear and turn it off. Think of the entertainment value alone. Of course then someone needs to sell a remote transmitter that’s good for about 50 yards that will activate that electrode. Can you imagine the fun you would have at the movies or in backed up traffic?

Of course no cell phone wish list would be complete without the dropped call cash exchange. Now with this little software package every time your call is dropped your cell phone carrier has to drop a buck in your account. With my carrier (wont give the name but sounds like P dobble) I figure I could have free cell service and make an extra ten grand a year.

Here is a thought, ever wonder why cell phones opponents warn of brain cancer because the cell phones are so close to your brain and yet its ok to have that radiation strapped to your side where it is so close to your future family endeavors…just saying. I think I will make a cell phone holster for my ankle. Have a great day.

World Apology Tour

In light of the Barack Obama World Apology Tour, I would like to apologize for a few of my fellow countrymen electing an unqualified socialist as president of the greatest country in the world. I would like to apologize for saying nothing when Acorn high jacked over 400,000 votes and nothing was done about it. I would like to Apologize for doing nothing when the President of the United States to chose to not acknowledge or participate in the National Day of prayer and yet held a dinner for Ramadan. I would like to apologize for allowing a government to believe the people work for them when in fact they are servants of the people. I would like to apologize for allowing panty waste liberals to take control of our learning institutes and corrupting the minds of our future leaders. I would like to apologize for allowing houses of worship becoming bless me clubs with rubber backbones. I would like to apologize for not drawing a line in the sand and saying enough is enough SOONER.

I WILL NOT apologize for America being THE WORLD SUPER POWER. I WILL NOT apologize for ever nuclear missile that sit in silo’s on board WAR ships and under the wings of the deadliest aircraft in the world. I WILL NOT apologize for the United States of America have the most advanced weaponry and training on the face of the earth. I WILL NOT apologize for our founding Fathers putting into place a Constitution that protects and maintains a republic under the protection of God Almighty, I WILL NOT apologize for being a capitalist. I WILL NOT apologize for America having a strong and powerful military. I WILL NOT apologize for boycotting EVERY celebrity that tramples MY GOD AND MY COUNTRY if it means emptying Hollywood. I WILL NOT apologize for CELEBRATING every military hero who comes home both living and dead. I WILL NOT apologize for believing life begins at conception. I WILL NOT apologize for owning several BIBLE’s and not one single Koran. I WILL NOT apologize for owning many guns and an abundance of ammunition. I WILL NOT apologize for the United States….EVER. Last and most importantly, I WILL NOT apologize for being partially responsible for unseating as many corrupt professional politicians and a president in the coming elections. In the words of Edmond Burke~”"All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

The Ant and the Grasshopper..two versions

Well todays blog is a little different. I am going to post a joke. You guys will hurt yourself on this one. Have a great day.

The Ant and the Grasshopper...

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPERTwo Different Versions...Two Different MoralsOLD

VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY:Be responsible for yourself

MODERN VERSION:The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant 's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Rev. Jeremiah Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the GovernmentGreenCzar.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ants food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.The ant has disappeared in the snow.The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY:Be careful how you vote in 2010.

Do it Yourself and Know it's Done Right...WRONG !!

Ok we have all done it. We get the estimate from the plumber or contractor or mechanic and right away we think… hey, I can do this myself and save a ton of money. Yup we have all done it and we have all been wrong. Let’s take my Sonoma Pick-up truck compressor for instance. At the beginning of the summer, I took it to an AC shop and got an estimate on repairs. The nice surgeon..err…technician said no problem he could fix it, it only needed a compressor. "How much will that cost me?" I ask. Only $675 he tells me. $675? I’m thinking when I was a baby I was delivered at the hospital in 1958 for less than that and I came with a new blankie and a cap. Well thank you sir but no thank you sir. I can do this myself and save a fortune.
Well first things first, I need a compressor. Hey the truck is old and I can find a good used compressor at a salvage yard much cheaper. Yeah that’s the ticket, a used compressor. I start my journey and who could have guessed that particular compressor was a rare one (meaning they only had one or two and were going to milk some sucker..ME). I drove yard to yard, east to west, north to south and no luck. I finally found a small yard at the edge of the universe that just happened to have a nice shiny almost new compressor. No problem, I eagerly shelled out $150 bucks and was off. Lets see, what else do I need, oh yeah Freon gauges. Ok off to my trusty Harbor Freight store, shell out another $50 bucks and now I have gauges. Next I need a new dryer knowing that the old one will be shot after all the times I recharged the system, another $100 bucks. What else, oh yeah Freon, I make run to the local AutoZone and pick up 4 cans of Freon, yeah that should do it, oh and maybe an oil charge. Ok another $70 bucks and I haven’t even popped the hood yet. I take my trophies like a monkey with a fresh stalk of bananas and drag them back to my cave. I pop the hood and there she sits… with a nasty looking belt around the clutch. Hmmm… how does that come off, I know pry it..and I pried it…and I pried it and snap it came off, another $25 for a new belt. I take out my socket set and remove the old compressor, wow, who would have guessed cracking that line would let out so much oil. Oh well probably didn’t need it anyway. I take the old compressor off and install the new one. Great I am ready to charge it with Freon but first I have to vacuum the line down, I hook up my pump (another $135 bucks) and vacuum it down to two pounds negative.
Great I am ready for the new Freon and some cold air. I hook up the gauges and put on a can of Freon and wal lah.. I lose a whole can of Freon out of the valve because I didn’t notice the spare parts package that held the o ring seal for the gauges. I put in the seals (attached to that stupid pouch with the directions inside) and now I’m ready and a charging we will go. I put one can, two cans, three cans of Freon in and still no high pressure however I am about to ring the needle around to the back side with low side pressure. Ok, something is wrong, I know I will take it to an AC shop and have them check it out, they will politely tell me what is wrong and I can return to my cave and correct the error of my ways.
My AC technician is a genius, within 4 hours of waiting there for him to attend my sick AC he has a diagnosis. “Mr. Richardson, you have a bad compressor but we can fix it”. Ok, now I have to tell Mr. wonderful I will think about it and get back to him and make my way back to my man cave, oh and he gigged me for $75 bucks for the diagnosis. I make a call and the salvage yard has another. I don’t have a way to recover my Freon or oil charge so… another $70 bucks down the drain. I drive wearily down to the junk yard (no longer care to call it salvage) and pick up another not as pretty compressor. I go through my same routine and once again the exact same results. Now I am getting pretty non Christian feeling if you know what I mean. I give a friend a call (because I ran out of 50/50s) and he tells me to take it to a friend of his for a looksy. I do just that and this old salt comes out, takes a look, feels the lines and says “You change the in line filter sport?” Excuse me? There is an in line filter? Yep sure enough right there next to the dryer is a very expensive in line filter that stopped the whole system up and caused me to have warm tropical air, how much was this very important device you ask? Try $1.98. Ok, change the filter, recharged the system, checked all the lines and ta daaa… ICE COLD AIR. Ad the $30 worth of gas for the world tour and I now have $705.98 in my repair using a used compressor instead of paying a shop $675 for a brand new compressor and installation. Yeah I saved some money here (The Three Stooges could have made a mint on this gig). You know this is one of those cases where you have to say, it’s not the destination that satisfies, it’s the journey to the arrival…yeah right.. I don’t believe that either. Have a great day.

They Got My Dander Up !!

THEY GOT MY DANDER UP !!

Ok guys. Obama is right; this stuff has gone far enough. Not only has our school system been dumbed down, so has our political intelligence. Is there some kind of correlation with Politicians entering political office broke and exiting wealthy? Why do the Democrats have a problem with rich people and a problem with the Republicans giving tax cuts to the wealthy when they are members of that club nearly without exception? Who in God’s beautiful green earth gave the ACLU so much power when there supporters are such a small base? No prayer in School? What, is it going to confict with the drug deals, witchcraft and homosexuality already present there?

Why is it we can be arrested because we forgot to declare a couple hundred bucks and people like Pelosi,Wrangle and Frankin can accidently forget about thousands in rental properties and land deals and get not so much as a slap on the hand? Acorn, what a joke, these people are nothing more than a socialistic mafia. They do what they want when they want to whomever they want and no one investigates. Do you think they are not powerful? They put their own man in the presidency didn’t they? Do you remember all of the Acorn voter fraud during the elections where it was proven thousands of people voted many times? Did you ever once hear of a prosecution or for that matter an investigation? Not once and the major left wing radicals continue to run Washington like the Soprano’s.

George Washington was correct when he said “Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.” And we are about to let this fearful master get away from us. We have to somehow instill in this politicians that they are not royalty on a thrown making decisions for the poor serfs below them. We are THEIR MASTERS; we hold the keys to the vault they draw their pay from. I am ready to throw every blessed one of them out Republican and Democrat alike and start over. Who in the world gave them permission to have their own health care? Who told them they could give themselves a raise in the wee hours of the morning? Did you? I know no one called me.

Oh yeah we are fighting over this part of a bill and that part of a bill but in reality both sides could have fixed this problem years ago if it wasn’t for the power trips they are running for their parties. Personally I don’t think Obama is working for the Democrats or any other party. I think he is a pure socialist who has gotten his marching orders from someone in the shadows that remains to be seen as of yet. How can a no one like Obama rise to such power in so little time? He is a millionaire and yet he worked in social work of community organizing. Have you seen anyone else become rich in community organizing?

Ok, I leave my rant with the words of John Adams “Before God, I believe the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure, and my whole heart is in it. And I leave off as I began, that live or die, survive of perish, I am for the Declaration. It is my living sentiment, and my by the blessing of God it shall be my dying sentiment, Independence now, and Independence for ever!” We simply can not lose our independence to what seems to be more and more apparent a rogue government. We have to band together and let them know who is the boss. Its time to clean out the dungeons of Washington and restore the democracy our forefathers fought to the death to preserve. Ahh… there… I feel better. Gotta run I have a casserole in the oven…LOL Peace and God will to all men. TLR

She Stands in the Harbor

I wrote this poem in 2002, wow what a difference 7 years makes. Is the last verse still prudent today? You decide.

She Stands in the Harbor

She stands silently in the harbor
And waits with patience still
For so long she watched in amazement
And thought it couldn’t be real.

This lady stands long in years
With grace and dignity,
And watched fathers of grandfathers
Achieve enormous prosperity

She wondered when the scales would turn
When the price would have to be paid.
For all the aborted children murdered
And dens of iniquity made.

And she looked one day to the heavens
And watched the mighty hand move away.
And she shook in fear and trembling
As the skys changed from blue to grey.

A flash of fire and smoke
Blew across the torch now dim.
And two mighty rocks now fallen.
Painted a picture now so grim.

And yet the heavens soon opened
And angels rushed out in great mass.
And the hand once again covered over.
And the heavens no longer were brass.

And the light of heaven beamed
To where those two rocks once stood.
For the sinful individuality of men.
Was again a Godly brotherhood.

Written by Terry Lee Richardson
Copyright © March 14, 2002

The Internet Blues

Well folks, I am going this week and seek out a chapter of FBAA (Face Book Addictions Anonymous). Saturday morning I once again arose at 4:30AM and stumbled aimlessly into my office where my faithful HP Pavilion waited patiently for its master’s return. I immediately opened my face book page to see what happened during my absence during the late night insomniac hours. Not much appeared to have gone on so I checked the weather, took a look at my bank account (No need to fear me Donald Trump) and closed my browser and was off. I attended my monthly Christian Motorcyclist Association meeting and took our month ride into the country, through a few bike shops and of course a very tasty meal from a local restaurateur. All was right with the world…until…I arrived home. I pulled into my driveway and the sky was strangely dark with a thunderous cloud over my home. I went inside and immediately peeled off my miles of road grime and grabbed a quick shower. As I exited my bedroom I could see a strange blue glow coming from my office. Something was not right, the hair began to stand on the back of my neck, my hands began to shake, I stepped into the room and could hear the music from The Gladiator playing in the background. I froze in my step as my eyes settled on my modem on the shelf. There was only one light blinking. How could this be, perhaps the other burned out during the night, yes that must be it. I ran to desk pushing on the monitor switched and pulling my keyboard drawer out and hit enter. The Pavilion sprang to life… yes perhaps its just three dead LEDs in the modem. As my screen began to materialize I quickly clicked on my internet explorer…”No Internet Connection found”..NOOOOOOoooo.. it can’t be. I know I will reboot the modem, yes that is it. Reboot modem once, twice, 14 times and still the same results. Ok, maybe it’s my wireless router, yes that could be it I will reboot my router. Still nothing, I pick up my cell phone and place a call to Mediacom. “We sorry we are currently experiencing a problem in your area” great…three day weekend and no one to call, I will just have to be patient. I was patient the rest of the day and all of the night on Saturday and still no internet. I bet you didn’t know pacing the floors is no help in getting your internet back on line. I finally go to bed…. a little after dark. 4:30 once again shows its face on my clock and I arise, get my bearings and head for my office. Surely they would have sent the magic internet Genies to work on it all through the night so that my life might be fulfilled at dawn. I walk through my office door and there on the shelf is my poor lonely modem still flashing one light. I again start as desperately as a heart surgeon trying to start a stopped heart. I grab the phone and called Mediacom again and this time I reach a real live person. This person tells me my worst fears. “Sir, I'm sorry but it will be Tuesday before a tech can come out and check your system. I see by my monitor that our system is functioning up to your equipment.” Great, no internet until Tuesday, I can’t go cold turkey for three days, I just can’t do it. There has to be something else I can do. If I only knew an internet technician I could go and kidnap him and force him to fix my internet but I know of none. Ok, think think think. Hey, I know I will turn off the modem for 30 minutes and see what happens. AHAAAAAAAA my four beautiful lights are once again lit and I am a happy man. I get on line and start to get my fix when BAMM….one light again. Hmmm…so…it’s getting hot, I have an idea. I dig through my closet throwing things left and right like a mad man looking, looking looking..AHAAA.. there it is, a small fan. I clear the shelf of all but my precious modem and router. With the precision of a neurosurgeon I position the two boxes so that the maximum flow of air crosses them and I set up and plug in my fan. Viola I have internet. Now I am good until my dealer…er….technician comes and brings me my stuff…I mean modem. Ahhhhh Face book, AOL, Internet Explorer, Weather Underground, Craig’s list, EBay….oh wow man.. like heavy man, like heaaavy. Have a great day.

The Day America Cried

Well its getting pretty close to that day Americans can never forget and I found this poem in my archives I wrote right after 9-11. Have a great day.

The Day America Cried

I felt pain in my heart as I watched in dismay.
Two towers exploded in fire and I began to pray.
The people stood in horror as the planes began to fall.
No sense could be made as I watched another fireball.

Moments became hours as the sirens screamed in pain.
The towers began to tremble as the steel began to strain.
Brave firemen and policemen ran to the beacon call.
As the towers began to falter and lost were they all.

I felt pain in my heart as I watched in disbelief
The people on the ground were running for relief.
The world watched and cried with lady Liberty.
The crumbling walls of security now felt the agony.

I heard the sound of silence as another plane came down
It crashed into a fortress of military might on the ground.
The soldiers died and bled but no reason could be heard.
As the fires ripped great buildings I could not say a word.

For many hours I watched and many hours I cried.
So many precious people for no reason died.
No one could stop it, no one could bring them back.
The day America cried from a terrorist attack.

Yet now my heart sees hope and no longer sees despair
For brother now joins brother as we begin to repair.
Our hearts grow closer to our Father up above.
We again lean on HIM and demonstrate HIS love.

I will not forget the day my nation cried.
I will always remember, all the hero’s that had died.
I’ll call upon my God who delivered us from that day.
And say God bless America again Lord I pray.


By Terry L Richardson
Copyright © September 14, 2001

The Art of Pew Naps

Ah come on as soon as you saw the title you remembered taking a few of those. Of course you need to first set the stage. Don’t ever go to the front of the church, you might have a preacher with a sense of humor who would enjoy pointing out the slumbering congregant. Never go to the very back of the church. It makes you an easy target for an over zealous usher. Try about the last 4 or 5 isles from the back and always sit on the ends. It makes it nice to lean on that arm and rest your eyes. Now your set, the worship music is over and Pastor Sleepease is heading for the pulpit. Ahhhh…you got those lightly tented sunglasses on and are ready for action. Take out a notebook and your bible and open them both, it throws off suspicion. Even if someone spots you dozing they think, oh poor fellow must have worked late and fell asleep while taking notes. Now the preaching begins. You are listening as best you can but ole slew foot has a bag of sleepy dust and he’s sprinkling it on you. You get one of those holy bobbing amen’s going for starters. You know, when you start to drift off and your head starts to roll back and you suddenly catch yourself and let out a little amen as if in agreement with the pastors message. This works pretty well until he says “Do you want to be condemned to hell for eternity?” You pop forward with a fake amen and suddenly your nap comes to an abrupt halt. It would seem half the church is looking at you. You awake in a bit of a daze trying to put together the events of the last five minutes and it hits you what he said. Time for damage control. You once again shake your head in the affirmative and let go of a hearty “That’s right Pastor you tell it like it is brother”. Nice save, the eyes of condemnation have shifted. You are safe again.. for the moment. Ok, now you HAVE to stay awake because now the eyes of the church are suspiciously watching you. Its time to break out the lifesavers hidden in your top pocket, a nice lively peppermint. You munch on them constantly looking at your watch. This brother has been preaching three hours and the lying watch says only twenty minutes. Think Think Think… ah haa that’s it. Its time for a trip to the facility. Now you can make that trip last fifteen to thirty minutes depending on what you had for breakfast. Down the hall, a nod or two to a couple of deacons as you pass by and there it is, the word Brethren etched neatly upon the door. No need to hurry plenty of time for business and an extended mirror grooming. Well that took 15 minutes but was it enough? As you approach the door to the sanctuary you hear Pastor Sleepease moving along to point number 3 of 10 in his notes. Oh man, I will never make it for another 7 points. Isn’t it funny how God has a sense of humor and helps us out with even the most difficult times? You are now seated, glasses in place, open note book and bible on your lap and the sand man starts a return engagement when suddenly your blood runs cold. Pastor Sleepease calls out your name. “ Brother (fill in your name here), I know you just went through this very situation didn’t you?” Ok, your brain is rebooting, you’re searching those sleepy cells for a recording of the last two minutes. What did he say, how can you answer this without showing you weren’t paying attention? Ok here goes, we will just use that generic response again and see what happens. You look at the pastor, smile nice and big and let lose with a hearty “Amen brother”, now you looking for those eyes surrounding you, was it the right answer? Did he just accuse you cheating on your taxes or removing money from the offering plate? You can hear the jeopardy theme music playing in the back ground. Nothing yet….nothing yet….EUREKA. He passed on to his next point and no one was the wiser. Now you’re on the final stretch, an altar call and closing prayer. You did it, you got in your nap and no one was the wiser for it. You pick up your belongings and head for the door. Pastor Sleepease is shaking hands and accepting compliments. He gets to you and firmly grasps your hand in both of his. You compliment him on a great sermon and he fires one across the bow. “Well thank you brother, which part did you like the best?” You freeze for a moment, think think think..ok lets try the generic again. It’s worked ok so far today.” Oh preacher you were right on target today, I loved it all and have my notes for future reference,” That sounds pretty good. You wait for the return serve, here it comes. “Well that pleases me my friend; I appreciate your conducting a sleep study.” Busted, thank God I didn’t snore. Have a great day.

Poem: AWAKE AMERICA

I wrote this 10 yrs ago and just found it. Man I thought things were getting bad back then. Who could have known?

AWAKE AMERICA

Awake America, from a slumber that’s grown cold
Your heart beats ever so slowly
Is your death very soon to unfold?

Awake America, your God is calling out your name.
Repent from your wicked ways,
Throw off your garments of shame.

Awake America, it is not too late to turn around.
The Lord God is waiting to forgive you.
Open your eyes that his face may be found.

Awake America, let the blood of Christ flow through your veins.
Stand up to your feet and hold steady.
Tell the world once again that your God reigns.

Awake America, as your forefathers before you did.
Founding this country for religious freedoms
Tearing it away from Satan’s tangled grid.

Awake America, please hear this humbled cry
If we don’t awaken from Satan’s lullaby singing
One nation under God will soon die.

Written by Terry L.Richardson
Copyright © Aug.2, 1999