The Internet Blues

Well folks, I am going this week and seek out a chapter of FBAA (Face Book Addictions Anonymous). Saturday morning I once again arose at 4:30AM and stumbled aimlessly into my office where my faithful HP Pavilion waited patiently for its master’s return. I immediately opened my face book page to see what happened during my absence during the late night insomniac hours. Not much appeared to have gone on so I checked the weather, took a look at my bank account (No need to fear me Donald Trump) and closed my browser and was off. I attended my monthly Christian Motorcyclist Association meeting and took our month ride into the country, through a few bike shops and of course a very tasty meal from a local restaurateur. All was right with the world…until…I arrived home. I pulled into my driveway and the sky was strangely dark with a thunderous cloud over my home. I went inside and immediately peeled off my miles of road grime and grabbed a quick shower. As I exited my bedroom I could see a strange blue glow coming from my office. Something was not right, the hair began to stand on the back of my neck, my hands began to shake, I stepped into the room and could hear the music from The Gladiator playing in the background. I froze in my step as my eyes settled on my modem on the shelf. There was only one light blinking. How could this be, perhaps the other burned out during the night, yes that must be it. I ran to desk pushing on the monitor switched and pulling my keyboard drawer out and hit enter. The Pavilion sprang to life… yes perhaps its just three dead LEDs in the modem. As my screen began to materialize I quickly clicked on my internet explorer…”No Internet Connection found”..NOOOOOOoooo.. it can’t be. I know I will reboot the modem, yes that is it. Reboot modem once, twice, 14 times and still the same results. Ok, maybe it’s my wireless router, yes that could be it I will reboot my router. Still nothing, I pick up my cell phone and place a call to Mediacom. “We sorry we are currently experiencing a problem in your area” great…three day weekend and no one to call, I will just have to be patient. I was patient the rest of the day and all of the night on Saturday and still no internet. I bet you didn’t know pacing the floors is no help in getting your internet back on line. I finally go to bed…. a little after dark. 4:30 once again shows its face on my clock and I arise, get my bearings and head for my office. Surely they would have sent the magic internet Genies to work on it all through the night so that my life might be fulfilled at dawn. I walk through my office door and there on the shelf is my poor lonely modem still flashing one light. I again start as desperately as a heart surgeon trying to start a stopped heart. I grab the phone and called Mediacom again and this time I reach a real live person. This person tells me my worst fears. “Sir, I'm sorry but it will be Tuesday before a tech can come out and check your system. I see by my monitor that our system is functioning up to your equipment.” Great, no internet until Tuesday, I can’t go cold turkey for three days, I just can’t do it. There has to be something else I can do. If I only knew an internet technician I could go and kidnap him and force him to fix my internet but I know of none. Ok, think think think. Hey, I know I will turn off the modem for 30 minutes and see what happens. AHAAAAAAAA my four beautiful lights are once again lit and I am a happy man. I get on line and start to get my fix when BAMM….one light again. Hmmm…so…it’s getting hot, I have an idea. I dig through my closet throwing things left and right like a mad man looking, looking looking..AHAAA.. there it is, a small fan. I clear the shelf of all but my precious modem and router. With the precision of a neurosurgeon I position the two boxes so that the maximum flow of air crosses them and I set up and plug in my fan. Viola I have internet. Now I am good until my dealer…er….technician comes and brings me my stuff…I mean modem. Ahhhhh Face book, AOL, Internet Explorer, Weather Underground, Craig’s list, EBay….oh wow man.. like heavy man, like heaaavy. Have a great day.