The Evolution of Cell Phones, my version

Well people I have been calm and serious long enough. Its now time to talk about the problems of the United States of America. Its time to address what is destroying our way of life, our children, our finances, human kind as we know it is on the brink of extinction and all because of one thing...CELL PHONES AND.TEXTING IN THE CAR!! Now I know some of you think I have slipped one bike past a Harley but allow me to explain. Just a minute I have a call….uh huh…uh huh..well I’m sorry Mr. President but it wasn’t me who flipped over your monitor. To tell you the truth sir, I saw Vice President Bidden with a hack saw earlier that day. Oh yes sir smack down on that Mr. Roger’s neighborhood…yes sir I understand. Good hunting sir. Now where was I, oh yeah, cell phones. Don’t you guys remember when we first had the bag phones? We never had to worry about using them in the cars, they drew too much current to run the motor and talk on the phone at the same time. I guarantee you; few were ever left in restaurants. It looked as if the population of America was carrying around Geiger counters. Even next generation cell phones were easy to keep track of, you no doubt remember the walkie talkie looking phones. Now these phones lasted for several years but the powers that be decided it was time to make more money. So now, we have contracts that say we must keep the phones two to three years and then a little timer goes off inside and they self destruct. I don’t mind the self destruct if you could program it to happen when you were ready for it to happen. Like when the cell company calls to collect a payment.. BOOM. I am pretty sure they have a scientist that worked tirelessly long hours designing the new phones to be attracted to water. When the phone was within three feet of a water source, the little leather holster would click and release the phone right into the toilet bowl. Of course a fast retrieval might save the cell phone but then…it was designed to find water tight after it detected a water flow…if you get my drift. Sure… reach on down and snatch that baby from its watery grave. And look it still works and is ringing… care to answer it? I didn’t think so. Next there came the blue tooth. Perhaps that name came about because of the constant radiation administered to your jaw cause your teeth to become blue and radioactive. That must be true because with a blue tooth comes brain damage. Allow me to elaborate further. A few weeks ago I was riding along Bayou Blvd listening to my tunes and allowing Blondie (my faithful Yamahog bike) to stretch her legs a bit. The street light up ahead of me turned yellow and then a nice deep shade of red. The white like KIA behind me approached as rapidly as my heart was pounding and stopped within inches of my tail light. I turned and yelled if she could just back up a few more inches… I would have room to scream like a scared little school girl. She was talking to Buffy no doubt talking about Biff and could not be inconvenienced. The light turn green and I immediately moved forward hoping perhaps she got the message at the last minute. She pulled within a few feet of my tail light again at a speed of 45 mph and Blondie was getting nervous. Another light, heavy traffic to my right so no way to change lanes and I am forced to stop again. I have a nice loud air horn but as design flaws go it was made to blow at the morons in front of me, not to my rear. I look intensely into my side mirror and she is still talking, oblivious to the world around her with a huge grin across her face. It’s too late for her I thought; the blue tooth radiation now has full control of her brain. The light turns green and I quickly flip on my right blinker and make a furious lunge for the right lane and an attempt at survival. Awe I am finally safe when I hear from my rear, HEY LEARN TO DRIVE THAT BIKE YOU MORON…she apparently regained a brain cell as I sped away. Have a great day.