On such a bright and sunny morning, you would think it would be enough to arise, make my coffee and endeavor to solve the problems of the world. Boot Obama, ok..That’s done now for the real important work. The GPS or as I like to call it..Get-People-Stranded device. Now I must admit I have depended on it way too much when I travel to do FHA foundation inspections. You just turn it on, tell the little lady inside where you think YOU want to go, and in blind faith turn your vehicle in that direction. I did this a couple weeks ago heading north into Alabama and found out the little lady in the box was really Linda Blair in character from the Exorcist.
I loaded my equipment on the back of ole blonde (no I don’t own a slave just a vintage Yamaha Venture Royale motorcycle with character; I hook up my GPS, bring up the screen and give ole Linda a destination. Wonderful she says its paved roads all the way. Ah it’s going to be a beautiful day for a ride in the woods (here is where that jaws music start playing in the background). I head out the driveway and Linda says in 200 ft turn right. Ok..good start we are off. Now while my sense of direction was diverted at birth I still have a basic understanding or north and south. Linda wants to go south to go north 2 miles. Yup I knew it, Tom Tom was built with money from Shell Shell because there is no way this is the short way to Andalusia. I ride well into the noon time and make a pit stop at a small mom and pop store for a cold drink. I had no idea Albert Einstein was still alive but there he sat behind his register chewing on freshly boiled peanuts enjoying his air conditioning. I order a glass of the south’s favorite beverage, ice tea, and made pops car payment when I dished out the cash for it at which time he offered me a piece of free trivia. “Younger feller (I like him already), you know it’s a hunert and five out thar?” Oh my gosh, all this time I just thought my pores had sprung a leak. Well it’s always good to have a good comeback and before I could nail my tongue with my teeth I let it “Pop I am a lot more aware of that outside on the road than you are behind the counter in the AC”. Pretty much ended our conversation and I was off again on my journey for adventure. Now I am 100 miles away from home and Linda makes her move. “In 350 feet turn right”. Ok Linda, you know I have absolutely no idea where I am so I am going to trust you. “Turn right now” here voice starts to lower (in the movie this is where Linda Blair’s head starts to spin), the jaws music now turns to the theme song for Psycho. It’s a dirt road, Linda NEVER told me it was a dirt road, she knows I don’t ride a dirt bike. Ok…maybe it’s a short dirt road to a nice paved one. Linda would never betray me so I go right. After a couple miles the road narrows and I know see deep ditches on both sides. Linda is silent and I travel down a 40 degree incline to which I see at the bottom a very red and sandy bottom to the roads decent. Blondie is not happy and she knows Linda has betrayed us so I come to a stop to re assess the situation. Can’t turn around because of the ditches, no choice but to go forward so forward it is. I hit that patch of DEEP red sand and sure enough Blondie’s back tire spin to the right and down she goes. NOW I hear from Linda, not turn right…not turn left…nothing but a giggle…a snicker and then a deep demented It took me 3 minutes to get Blondie up right. I had red clay in my boots, jeans, shirt and shorts. I was sweaty so that made for a nice red mud combination. I finally get Blondie back up the road to the place of start where I stop to ask directions from the only house on the corner (yeah ladies that’s right I asked directions…this is like the second time this millennium). I ask ma am is this the only way down Steward street to which she relies “ Oh that will take to the pavement on Steward street if you can go the 5 miles of dirt road but I would just drive down the highway two blocks and turn left on the paved Steward St there. The first thing I did when I got home was getting out that manual and reprograming my GPS with another voicHave a nice day ya’ll.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment